“It is difficult to speak adequately or justly of London. It is not a pleasant place; it is not agreeable, or cheerful, or easy, or exempt from reproach. It is only magnificent.”
Henry James 1843-1916
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Whether or not you agree with our American friend Henry, one thing is certain: along with jumping out of a plane, blowing the last of your wages on a pair of unnecessary-but-beautiful shoes, watching all the Star Wars films back-to-back and eating your own bodyweight in pick’n’mix, visiting London is something you need to do in order to say you’ve truly lived. It is a city of superlatives: it has the busiest shopping street (Oxford Street), busiest airport (Heathrow) and most congested ring-road (M25) in Europe, the longest underground rail network in the world (also the most expensive), the most street markets of any city in the western world and more billionaires living there than any other world city. In short, it needs to be seen to be believed.
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So, after you land at one of the five airports (Gatwick, Heathrow, City, Luton or Stansted) you’ll want to hotfoot it to the centre to start your London adventure. Train services such as the Gatwick or Heathrow Express are quick but pricey; catch a slow train or coach if you want to take in the scenery. Get yourself an Oyster Card for travelling around the city. It doesn’t smell of seafood but it does mean cheaper fares on the Tube and buses – hurrah! Try to avoid using the Tube at rush hour and definitely don’t try to cross London from Waterloo to Kings Cross on a Friday at home time when the Northern Line is closed, the firemen are on strike and only 1 in 4 services are operating (I speak from personal experience).
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Of course, you have to check out some of the tourist clichés while you’re here. The reason they’re clichés is because they’re good! The Tower of London, British Museum, Houses of Parliament, National Gallery, St Paul’s Cathedral and Westminster Abbey are all must-sees. Visit the beautiful collection and grounds of the Victoria and Albert Museum, mingle with the famous at Madame Tussauds (book online to avoid queuing) and giggle at the silly hats at the changing of the guard. Brave the queues and go on the London Eye – the views are worth it.
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If you’re like me though, you’ll soon get fed up of tripping over all the other tourists, being showered with Union Jack hats/other assorted crap and paying £4 for a coffee. Once you get off the tourist trail you can begin to discover the real London, and that, my friends, is what makes this city so great. My favourite memories have nothing to do with Big Ben or Covent Garden, but instead are of playing ping pong in a bar in Shoreditch. Falling down the sloping dance floor at the Brixton Academy. Having a birthday picnic at London Fields. Watching squirrels bury nuts in Russell Square. Bumping into other people on the stairwells at Fabric, possibly the darkest club in the world. Getting chatted up by fishermen whilst jogging in Victoria Park. Spotting Wombles on Wimbledon Common. Strolling down Brick Lane then having sausage and mash for lunch. Getting wasted doing the Circle Line pub crawl.
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So head over there to create some memories of your own. London can be whatever you want it to be.
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5 London Facts
- Over 133,000 items are found on London Transport each year. These have included a Chinese typewriter, a jar of bull’s sperm and a 14-foot boat.
- Although the Great Fire of London in 1666 destroyed vast parts of the city, only 6 people were killed.
- Big Ben first chimed the hour in July 1859.
- The peak hour for suicides on the Tube is 11am.
- London taxi-drivers are permitted to urinate in public, provided that a member of the police force acts as a witness.
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